A belief I see all the time, in my clients and in myself, is that we have to cope with life and struggle alone. Somewhere along the way, many of us learn to think that reaching out for support makes us a burden, and that everyone else seems to be handling things so much better than we are. I’ve been there, many times, carrying the fear that asking for help somehow makes us ‘not good enough’, especially when it comes to research or the long, lonely stretches of a PhD. In this blog post, I want to share part of my own journey, moving through the isolation and loneliness, what it taught me, and why you don’t have to navigate it by yourself.
Feeling lost and overwhelmed
When I first started working with Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis (IPA), I remember feeling completely overwhelmed. I’d read so much about what IPA was — the philosophy, the theory, the purpose — but none of it told me what to actually do. How do you start? What does it look like in practice? How do you move from the idea of starting to having actually started?
Everyone around me seemed to just ‘get it’.
They were progressing, analysing, writing… and I was sitting there thinking…
What am I missing? I don’t get it!
And admitting I was struggling felt like it was proof that I was ‘not good enough’.
But what I didn’t know back then was that I wasn’t on my own, I was on a journey and it was ok to ask someone (or a couple of people) for help.
This is your journey and it’s OK with whatever that looks like.
There is no ‘right’ or ‘correct’ way to learn.
You don’t have to be perfect to be making progress!
AND, you definitely don’t need to struggle alone and in silence.
You are not alone — even when it feels like you are
Whether you’re working with IPA, navigating qualitative research, or deep in the loneliness of a PhD, it can feel like everyone else has some secret knowledge you missed.
But I promise you… they don’t.
In my coaching work, I hear so many people share the very same worries I once carried. The quiet fears that feel ‘too small’ or ‘too silly’ to say out loud. The anxiety of not knowing where to start. The belief that everyone else is coping better.
It genuines makes me feel sad, for them, and my past self for believing it too.
One of my PhD coachees put it perfectly:
“Even with supportive supervisors, the loneliness and uncertainty of a PhD can feel relentless. Working with Laura gave me a safe space to talk honestly about worries I couldn’t quite voice anywhere else. Because she’s been through it herself, she understood in a way that immediately made me feel less alone.”
(PhD Student at Coventry University)
I did reach out for help with my IPA analysis and they were fantastic, so supportive and I made it (you can read more about the practical steps of doing IPA here).
This is why connection matters.
This is why reaching out matters.
Reaching out is not burdening — it’s connecting, and connection is where things start to shift.
Support doesn’t look the same for everyone
People come to coaching for so many different reasons:
- Feeling overwhelmed or stuck
- Not knowing how to begin their analysis
- Struggling to make sense of their data
- Battling loneliness in their PhD
- Doubting themselves
- Trying to balance being human with being a researcher
No two people need the same thing.
That’s why my approach is always tailored. Because your experiences, your worries, your way of understanding matter.
Support can look like:
- Talking through the practical steps of analysis
- Untangling the emotional knots that come with uncertainty
- Finding your confidence again
- Creating clarity where everything feels messy
- Sitting with the “I don’t know” together, without judgment
Whatever you’re carrying, you don’t have to carry it by yourself.
You deserve support. You are human!
If you’re reading this and seeing yourself in any of these words, I want you to know:
You’re not alone.
You’re not behind.
You’re not ‘doing it wrong’.
You don’t have to be perfect to be moving forward.
I also know you may not believe these words, because I don’t think past me did either. So, I get it.
But, still, if something in this post resonates… If you’re struggling quietly, unsure where to begin, or feeling alone in your work… If you want a space where you can ask the questions you feel embarrassed to say out loud…
And, before you say it… I am definitely not someone who ‘has it all figured out’, I am constantly questionning myself and not believing I can do this too. But as someone who’s been there, is there with you, and figuring life out as we go along, I understand and can walk alongside you holding your hand through this next stage of your journey.
Reach out and contact me… This is your journey, and it’s OK with whatever that looks like.
I’m here.